Most of you know that I am recuperating from hip replacement surgery.

One of the precautions during this period is that I cannot bend beyond a certain degree and I cannot lift my leg beyond a certain degree.

What does this mean?

It means that anything that falls down, I cannot pick up.

Anything that has to be pulled up, I cannot pull up.

I do not have a “grabber.”

You know, those things that look like a stick with a claw on the end with which you can grab things out of reach or pick up things off the floor or lower shelves.

I do not have a grabber.

At least not that particular kind of grabber.

So, when things fall down, I have to ask someone to pick them up.

When things have to be pulled up, I have to ask somebody to pull them up.

Is anybody out there feeling me?

Yeah, those everyday things we take for granted.

Like, drop a washcloth on the floor, can’t pick it up.

Like, trying to put both legs into pants without bending over, can’t do it.

Like, other things that involve picking up or pulling up I am embarrassed to mention as in “unmentionables.”

Yeah, those things.

And, as I watch my dignity rapidly fade into the sunset, I receive a lovely gift from Kaiser in the mail: “Screen for colorectal cancer.”