WHERE IS THE AFTER PARTY?

University of Torture, Kaiser Campus

Yesterday, as I groaned my way on the maniacal behemoth euphemistically called “The Bike,” many of the silver haired foxes and golden girls were filled with giggles as they high-fived one another from one device to the other.

They all seemed to know one another, yelling across the room,”Hey, how are you? Nice to see you!”

Why are they so happy? And could they not happy all over me?

Yes, I am the dour sourpuss of the group, but their gaiety has piqued my curiosity.

What in the Sam Hill is going on?

Is Pharrell Williams somewhere in the lobby encouraging everyone to “Clap along with me?”

“Heyyyyy, y’all, I graduate today!!” (Cue “Pomp and Circumstance”)

Wait, what?

You can graduate from physical therapy? You can actually graduate from physical therapy, like a pardon or something?

Wrapped in warm self-gratification, one by one the chortling seniors escape the chamber, faces wreathed in sunshine and lollipop smiles.

I glumly watch their fleeing backs. I am not happy.

“Ohhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhh!”

I am startled by the woeful baying that comes from a source behind me.

Could it be, is there another soul in distress, one who is not moon walking out the door?

YES, there is another wounded soul wrestling her way through the chamber.

I AM NOT ALONE!

Yes, it is true, misery really does love and crave company!

I AM NOT ALONE!

Ummm, can you Nae Nae to “Pomp and Circumstance”?

Dah Dah-Dah-Dah Dahhhh Dah

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